Boundary Setting with Your Family: How to Go About It
Our familial relationships often set the tone for how some of our other relationships outside the family evolve. It impacts our ability to communicate, empathize, and express ourselves. Setting boundaries within the family isn’t just required for toxic familial relationships. Even otherwise “happy” families and healthy ties can benefit from boundary setting.
Here’s how you can go about it.
Allow Yourself to Do What’s Best For You
Contrary to popular belief and cultural norms, you don’t have to put everyone else’s needs above your own. It’s important that you prioritize yourself and your well-being, and know when to draw boundaries you hadn’t considered before.
To do this, you need to do away with the belief that you’re doing something wrong by drawing healthy boundaries. Only once you’ve accepted the fact that this is the best thing for you will you be able to go ahead with it. Consider it as an important form of self-care and try to eliminate the feelings of guilt or fear you may have in this regard.
Clearly Communicate Your Needs
One reason why your boundaries may be ignored or go unrecognized is that you haven’t communicated these to your family. Identify where you want to draw boundaries, and let your family know.
For instance, if you don’t want your parents inquiring about your work or dating life, you need to tell them that their habitual questions make you feel uncomfortable. Likewise, if you prefer having some time alone on the weekends to recharge and aren’t up for the long drive to your parents’ home for weekly Sunday brunches, this needs to be communicated as well.
Remember, you have the right to draw boundaries. Be kind and clear when communicating these and explain to your family members how their actions regarding these make you feel.
Get Comfortable with Saying No
Saying “no” is an art not many have mastered. The simple, two-lettered word can be one of the most difficult things to say, even when you really want to. This may be because you want to avoid conflict or don’t want to disappoint your loved ones by refusing their requests or demands. It’s even harder for individuals who grew up learning that it’s rude or impolite to say “no” to things for courtesy’s sake.
Part of boundary setting with your family includes getting in the habit of saying no to things that make you uncomfortable or unhappy. From a simple “No, thank you” to them offering you a dessert you don’t feel like having, to a “No, I can’t do that for you,” to when they insist you do their laundry or cook them an elaborate meal. You can also say “no” to conversations you find inappropriate or uncalled for, as well as to activities you don’t want to participate in.
Saying no will allow you to take a stand for yourself and establish clear boundaries regarding what’s acceptable to you and what isn’t.
Comprehensive Counseling Services, LLC offers and behavioral therapy and family counseling services Winder to help you with boundary setting.
